Damn! Beaten to the punch

Ah well, someone else may have written the Vermin Identification handbook first, but at least it saves me the effort…

50 pains in public: A-list of really annoying Britons

Now all we need is ’50 ways to exterminate really annoying Britons’. (Good dose of anthrax sounds just the job).

1 Arguers– couples having shouting matches in shopping centres
2 Armchair Critics– couch-potato sportsmen or politicians
3 Attention Seeker– Big Brother stars after 15 minutes of fame
4 Brits Abroad– Union Jack shorts, beer bellies
5 Celebs– B-list losers and desperados
6 Charity Chuggers– commission-paid charity-collectors
7 Chavs– Burberry wearing council estate chic
8 Cliques– from the Round Table to the local golf club
9 Cold Callers– utility firms that call at tea time
10 Crap Parents– always bawling at their kids
11 Dawdlers– notoriously slow at everything
12 Dinner Party Ponces– from name-droppers to BBQ boasters
13 Doggers– car park perverts
14 Dogmess Merchants– pavement poopers
15 Dreadful Drivers– white van man and crazy cyclists
16 Fleshpots– midriff-baring girls
17 The Gang– football hooligans
18 Grafitti Artists
19 Gullible Groats
– get-rich-quick touts
20 Hobos– down and outs and beggars
21 Killjoys– bouncers and swimming pool lifeguards
22 Ladettes– girls on the town
23 Movie-Going Morons– sweet-crunching chatterboxes
24 Nightmare Neighbours
25 Noisy Git
– boombox in a Vauxhall Nova
26 Parking Police– traffic wardens and cowboy clampers
27 Partygoers– from students to 40-somethings
28 Pensioners– cantankerous oldies
29 The Plane Pain– business-class boozers to Mile-High clubbers
30 Pollsters– market researchers
31 Protestors– Swampy and his mates
32 Public Polluters– litter louts and fast-food foulers
33 Pushy Salesmen– double glazing to energy switchers
34 Queue Jumpers– at theme parks or bus stops
35 Raging Bulls– road-rage drivers
36 Religious Nuts– high-street bible bashers
37 Restaurant Rats– wine and gourmet food bores
38 School Runner– 4×4 mums in morning rush hour
39 Smokers
40 Soap Addicts
– avid followers of TV serials
41 Speed Cameras
42 Stressed out Shoppers
– waiting outside changing rooms
43 Supermarket Sadists– mad trolley rammers
44 Surly Shop Assistants
45 Swimming Pool Prats
– dive-bombers and lane luvvies
46 Tardy Tradesmen– botchers and big bills
47 Tourists– from crazy cameramen to small-minded morons
48 Toxic Teenagers– grunts and eye-brow piercings
49 Travellers– caravan clubs and gypsies
50 Unexpected Visitors– from carol singers to bailffs


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